Regrets...

I have blogged before about having to put one of my chickens down. I had to do it again this morning. Henrietta was one of the original group of four pullets that I bought when I fulfilled my lifelong dream of having laying hens. I thought she was particularly pretty, with the most white in her chest feathers, and a very round shape. She was a tame and gentle chicken.

She has not been quite right for several months. Shaking her head and having some balance issues. I should have put her down as soon as she began showing symptoms, but I kept hoping she'd be OK. I researched chicken illnesses; treated her with things that should help what she showed symptoms of. I rubbed mineral oil in her ears in case she had ear mites. I treated her for worms in case internal parasites were a problem. I put supplements in her food and water. She didn't get any worse, and maybe improved a bit. Then in the past two days she got much, much worse. By this morning it was evident that a decision had to be made. And I made it and I hated it.

But that got me to thinking that in general I tend to put things off too long. And that is the basis of many of my regrets in life. It wasn't much easier killing her today than it would have been a few months back.

So, on my long list of things to work on... stop procrastinating so much. It only brings regrets, and I could do with fewer of those.

Waxing nostalgic...

Today I have been feeling quite nostalgic. This is due in part to the news that the remains of my "aunt," (second cousin, really) had been returned to us after she donated her body to science. She will now be cremated and her ashes laid to rest in her family plot. This woman led a very genteel life. Sheltered and safe, she was well loved by many people for her entire 90 years. She rarely traveled, never wore pants, never drank a soda out of a can, never drove a car, operated a computer or owned a microwave. She never married or really even dated. She never flew in an airplane. And yet she had this compulsion to donate her body to science. It seemed like a wild thing for her do, so brave! I loved her deeply and miss her sorely. And I admire her to my toes.

Thinking of her made me think of my parents and grandparents and sister, all gone as well. And that made me think of the grief one feels when someone special leaves this earth. And THAT made me look back, through the frame of my experiences and realize that when I lose someone, what I feel the most is regret. I regret the things I didn't say, and the time I didn't take. I regret the calls I didn't make.
Thankfully I am a person who usually learns from past errors. I believe that I have learned to tell the people in my life that I love them, often. And more than that, I think I do a decent job at showing them, too. Days like today help me narrow my focus... and remember how important it is to me to have few regrets.